Halen

You: i lost my job at GM today

Stranger: what did you do there?

You: accounts

Stranger: i know they filed fro chapter 11 today

Stranger: that sucks

You: this town is a mess, i think i'm going to move to panama

Stranger: helzz yeah

Stranger: van halen didn't write a song about that place for nothing

Stranger: well maybe they did

You: well, they do have a very friendly attitude for foreigners

Stranger: they were prolly high

You: especially the young women

Stranger: true

You: they're nice to me.

You: partly thats the reason my wife left

Stranger: well then she's a bitch

You: she didn't get it

Stranger: i know none of them do

You: i could be myself down there

Stranger: women think completely different than men

Stranger: it was your happy place

Stranger: your better off without her

You: just because you might like to be with those younger than you is not a cause to break up a marriage, you know what I'm saying?

Stranger: all men want to be with younger women

Stranger: it's how we work

You: i mean, they were really young

Stranger: i have never been married

You: but very receptive

Stranger: like how old?

You: i don't know if i can get into that just yet

You: have you ever been to a third world country?

Stranger: not really

Stranger: but i think i see pedo bear over there

Stranger: lol

You: i think you might be judging me, which is cool, i guess

Stranger: totally cool

Stranger: you don;t need to be going after girls dude

You: i'm not talking about girls

Queerguts

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hey!

Stranger: heilo!

Stranger: on earth?

You: lol

You: yes

You: you?

Stranger: kewl

Stranger: yup

Stranger: spinning madly

You: is it memorial day where you are?

Stranger: I guess so

Stranger: we're in this together

You: i don't know what that is, somebody on here was telling me about it earlier

You: im malta

You: in

Stranger: oh

Stranger: it's war dead remembrance day

Stranger: nationa holliday in US

Stranger: national*

You: thats what she said

Stranger: people spend the day outdoors

Stranger: eating barbeque

You: she said everyone shoots at each other

Stranger: lol

You: and gets abortions

Stranger: not in my neighborhood

Stranger: haha

You: i serious

You: am

Stranger: lol

Stranger: well I guess that's one way of seeing it

You: it didn't make much sense

You: i thought they were lying

Stranger: they were, in theory

Stranger: but there are military veterans parades

Stranger: I guess they carry fake rifles

You: hat doesn't sound fun

You: that

Stranger: it's not

Stranger: that's why most ppl just go out and eat and drink

You: she said you eat pigs and people get drunk and give blowjobs to people on boats

Stranger: unless your relative or friend died in a war

Stranger: that would be awsome

You: my father died in a war

Stranger: which war?

You: but that was long ago

You: vietnam

Stranger: oh

Stranger: you're vietnamese then?

You: no from malta

Stranger: hmm

Stranger: ok

You: you?

Stranger: new york city

Stranger: US

You: ive been there!

Stranger: cool

Stranger: when?

You: crowded

You: 5 years ago

Stranger: It can be

Stranger: depends where

You: i was there for new year eve

You: it was CRAZY!

Stranger: ok that explains it

Stranger: in times square?

You: yes!

You: and we went to canada

You: the next day

Stranger: I never went there for new years eve

Stranger: oh

You: you don't like canada?

Stranger: do you speak french in malta?

You: i don't

Stranger: in general I mean

Stranger: the maltese

You: people speak diffrent things

You: i speak portugese

Stranger: ok

You: and english

You: of course!

Stranger: very good english!

Stranger: learned in school?

You: my sister

You: she lived in canada since she was 5

Stranger: ok

Stranger: I speak spanish and english

Stranger: I was born in argentina

Stranger: but I lived here most of my life

You: kewl!

Stranger: lol

Stranger: do you have a proffession

Stranger: ?

You: i make pottery

Stranger: nice

You: its ok

Stranger: I'm an architect

Stranger: yu like to work with your hands

Stranger: you*

You: i do

Stranger: me too

You: and i am my own boss

Stranger: me too

You: so you build things?

Stranger: now I work with computers a lot

Stranger: I design them

Stranger: and manage the constuction

Stranger: I specialize in public places

Stranger: parks, theaters museums...

You: wow!

Stranger: I'm terrified of deigning private places

You: i like parks and theatres, we don't really have any museums

Stranger: designing*

Stranger: malta is very small

Stranger: what is the name of the largest city in malts

Stranger: malta?

You: it's not that small

You: valletta

Stranger: isn't it an island in the mediterranean sea?

You: i got raped there though

Stranger: napoleon was born there right?

You: didnt go back

You: no

Stranger: shit!

You: corsica

Stranger: sorry

You: its ok

You: was a long time ago

Stranger: my european geography is a little rusty

Stranger: lol

Stranger: I'm very sorry that happened to you

You: not many people know much about malta

You: or how terrible it can be

Stranger: true

You: the weathers ok

You: kind of hot

Stranger: nice

Stranger: is it part of Italy?

You: no

Stranger: or independent?

You: independant

Stranger: oh

You: we have a mayor in town

You: hes ok

Stranger: nice guy?

Stranger: you know him?

You: well, he did rape me once

You: j/k

Stranger: not sure I can laugh at that

Stranger: but I admire your ability to joke about it

You: sorry

Stranger: no problem

You: see ya queerguts

You have disconnected.

You was played by Elliott

A Hole Is A Hole Is A Hole

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hello

Stranger: yo

Stranger: yo~~

You: what's up?

Stranger: i want do a plastic surgery

You: on what?

Stranger: on my nose

You: what's wrong with it?

Stranger: i think it is too low

You: are you a man or a woman?

Stranger: i am a cute gay

You: man?

Stranger: gay

You: gay man?

Stranger: yeah```of coursae

You: ok

Stranger: and u?

You: I'm a Vietnam Vet.

Stranger: ok

You: saw a guy get his nose blown off by shrapnel

Stranger: i am a japanese hairstyler

Stranger: nice to meet u'

You: you should love your nose for the way it is.

You: at least it's not blown off by shrapnel.

Stranger: ammmm............

You: plus plastic surgery is expensive.

Stranger: no

Stranger: it is ok

You: you could make a trip somewhere instead.

Stranger: hoho

Stranger: i have been to usa last month

You: you know, plastic surgery was invented after WWI to fix soldier's faces that were blown off.

Stranger: ok....you vietnanese will never know the imprtance of face

You: exactly.

You: where in america did you go?

Stranger: seanto

Stranger: newyork

You: nice

Stranger: how old are u,dude

You: 67

Stranger: 67?

Stranger: 67 years old?

You: I'm not gay, but while I was on the ship in 'nam, things happened if you know what I mean

Stranger: but you are sooo old

Stranger: i think no man will have interested in u

You: When you're stranded at sea on a sailing vessel, with lots of men, the rules change.

Stranger: ok,,,i see

You: I am old, that's true.

Stranger: have u ever fuck man

Stranger: ???

You: plus I'm missing my leg.

Stranger: omg,,,i am sorry

Stranger: you are a soilder?

Stranger: lose your leg in war right?

You: Let me just say that I was in the Navy, and when you're in a submarine for six months, the rules change. A hole is a hole is a hole.

Stranger: do u enjoy it?

You: Only the mighty Poseidon determines the way the door swings when you're at the bottom of the ocean for six months at a time.

You: yes I lost my leg in the war

Stranger: i admire u

You: in a sexy way or in a war hero way?

You: I'm overweight. I have the diabetes

Stranger: both side

You: have you ever given a haircut to a man who had his nose blown off by shrapnel?

You: I'd assume it would be a little distracting.

You: Where in Japan do you live?

Stranger: osaka

You: Do you like the movie "Barber Shop", with Ice Cube?

You: That movie had haircutters in it.

Stranger: do u know,,,japanese man"s nise is high in commom,,but mine is low

Stranger: oh i heard of it

You: nose?

You: your low nose makes you special.

Stranger: am,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

You: when I was in the Navy, if your nose was too high, like up in the middle of your forehead, then they'd kick you out.

You: so you should be happy with your nose.

Stranger: opps

Stranger: terrible

Stranger: i have to have meal ,,,,bye

Stranger: nice to meet u

You: wait friend, I've got more to talk to you about

You: you can eat later

Stranger: am........

Stranger: say,then

You: ok good.

You: You know, life is a strange thing. If I die from the diabetes, I'd be willing to give my nose to you, for a transplant.

Stranger: haha

You: That nose has been through a lot, has seen a lot, smelled a lot, but I think you'd like it.

You: I'm being serious.

Stranger: i know......

Stranger: are u ok,,man?

You: This has been a real special conversation for me.

You: I think I'd like to get a tattoo of your name on my chest.

You: would that be ok with you?

Stranger: i am sad...

You: don't be sad, I have a bumper sticker that says "Life's a bitch, and then you die", those are words that I live by.

Stranger: my english is poor sorry

You: no problem, I love your bad english.

You: It's better than my Chinese

Stranger: thank

Stranger: i will never forget u,,,u give me a nice lesson

You: What's your name, I'll get it tattooed on my chest to commerate our time together.

Stranger: ok

Stranger: tashiko

You: Ok Tashiko, I'm going to get it tattooed right over my heart, so that I never forget this conversation.

Stranger: sorry,,but i have to go,,,my friends call me

You: I'll never forget you either Tashiko, and remember my wise words of wisdom

Stranger: you are my best teacher

Stranger: ^_^

You: you are my best student.

Stranger: bye>>>

You: I love you.

You: bye

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You was played by David.

Movies about robots

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi

Stranger: hey

You: a/s/l?

Stranger: 20 m netherlands

You: Oh cool. I am 23 and in the States.

You: How is the weather in the netherlands?

Stranger: it sucks!

Stranger: there's a thndersorm right now hehe

Stranger: thunderstorm*

You: ugh, I'm sorry. It's hot here, and sunny. We were on the beach all day.

Stranger: california?

You: Yes, Malibu.

Stranger: ah man you got it good

You: It's ok. I wish I lived in the Netherlands sometimes though.

Stranger: I'm not complaining thoug hthe weather has been great for a long time

Stranger: oh why the netherlands?

You: Well, Santa Claus lives there.

Stranger: uhm...

You: And every morning he drives his reindeer out onto the tundra

Stranger: you're not supposed to know about that

You: and gives tiny creamcakes to all the netherlandian boys and girls.

You: In malibu we are forced into tanning booths all day at taserpoint.

Stranger: it's dutch btw

You: and if we disobey we are forced to do pilates until we vomit frozen yogurt.

Stranger: everyone or just the girsl?

Stranger: girls*

You: well, the boys that disobey are surgically altered and become something not totally unlike girls.

Stranger: i bet that's confusing

You: I hope they can't hear me telling you about the secrets of malibu.

You: the malibu overlords monitor all our communications.

Stranger: does the governator have anything to do with all this?

You: If they find out I told an outlander about our beautification camps they'll make me clean up pomeranian poop with my mouth for a week

You: and subject me to botox enemas

You: yes! swarzenegger is responsible!

You: I am afraid for my soul.

You: I just want to go somewhere cold

You: just once

You: and watch dour movies about rape.

You: that have sad endings

You: which win awards.

You: and have no robots in them.

You: please help me

Stranger: I will see to it that you and your people get freed from the schwarzenegger

You: thank you

You: you are our only hope

You: They come for me!!!!

Stranger: the dutch have always have been

Stranger: close the window!

You: god no...

Peanut Butter Solution

Omegle conversation log 2009-05-25

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: hey

Stranger: how are you?

You: 21

Stranger: nineteen

You: oh, cool

You: where are you?

Stranger: canada, you?

You: Omaha

You: You know, like wild kingdom?

You: Except we have no lions here.

You: What we do have is ants.

You: If you stay still too long they will get in your cooter.

Stranger: termites too!

Stranger: cooter?

You: That's omaha slang for 'vagina'.

Stranger: wtf is a cooter?

You: We have a lot of good slang words in Omaha.

You: Do you have slang in Canada?

You: that's when you makeumup some words.

Stranger: yes, we do

Stranger: i love it

You: We don't school up too good here so we makeumup.

You: Hey I saw a movie from canadia

You: have you seen it?

You: it's about a boy whose hair falls out.

You: and ghosts put peanut butter on his head

You: and his hair grows really fast.

Stranger: yes!

Stranger: i hace

Stranger: it got oscar snubbed

You: Yeah. we watch that a lot in Omaha.

You: People tell you a lot of stuff about life in Omaha that isn't true.

You: like that we have lions and marmosets.

Stranger: but no

You: but really we watch that peanut butter movie a lot.

Stranger: you only have cooter ants

You: yeah.

You: That's a problem.

Stranger: spray raid on your vaj

Stranger: should keep down the itch

You: I thought that peanut butter might help

You: but it made it worse.

Stranger: i'm allergic to peanut butter

You: now I have to go to the doctor twice a month.

Stranger: please stop talking about it or i will disconnect

Stranger: it is a mortal allergy

You: oh no

You: I just ate a pbnj

Stranger: NO!

You: I don't want to get it on you over the internets

Stranger: now we can't tongue kiss

You: like that girl who got kissed and died.

You: I'm sorry

You: I feel like I kind of love you.

You: I don't want you to die

Stranger: it's okay

You: I have to sacrifice our love to save your life.

Stranger: we can kiss through saran wrap

You: goodbye.

You have disconnected.

Work Makes Free

You: Hi! Happy Memorial Day!
You: Today we remember our brave young men who died face down in the muck at Kaisan and Mai Lai.
Stranger: whats memorial day
You: It's the day we celebrate our soldiers who died defending the proletariat against the invading capitalist butchers.
Stranger: awesome
Stranger: isee Happy Memorial Day!
You: Thanks!
You: Where are you from?
Stranger: where are you from
You: Vietnam.
Stranger: china
You: Very good. A dictatorship of the proletariat.
You: Mao was a great man.
You: As we say in our country, "Didi mao!"
Stranger: yes.
Stranger: what does that mean
You: It means "Long live Mao!"
You: It is a battle cry.
You: Today we also cheer our communist brothers and sisters in North Korea as they thumb their noses at the capitalist world establishment.
You: Brother Kim Jong Il has detonated a functioning nuclear weapon.
You: The capitalist Jews are quaking in their million dollar shoes.
Stranger: you are....
Stranger: how old are you?
You: 14.
Stranger: are you really from Vietnam?
You: How old are you, comrade?
You: Yes.
You: In Ho Chi Minh City.
Stranger: but you speak terrific english
You: It is part of my special training.
Stranger: and you are just 14?
You: I will be sent to infiltrate the capitalist higher education system.
Stranger: wow
Stranger: wow
Stranger: you are a bit of a boaster
You: No, it is all true. I say it with absolute humility.
You: It is a service to the working people of the world.
Stranger: how do you manage to do that
Stranger: i mean you are just 14,and you speak good english
You: It is my special training.
Stranger: i doubt that
You: My handlers have been training me since I was 4 to speak perfect English, though it doesn't take much to fool the idiot Americans.
You: I come to Omegle.com to practice for my infiltration.
Stranger: ...........
You: You seem to have doubts about the proletarian revolution. Perhaps you are a capitalist stooge?
Stranger: it feels like you are fooling me
Stranger: :(
You: Comrade, you must decolonize your mind.
Stranger: where are you now?
You: Still in Vietnam awaiting my deployment.
Stranger: you are just 14
Stranger: you are joking
You: No, comrade. I am deadly serious.
Stranger: where the hell are you from?
You: Adolescence is an invention of the capitalist Jews.
You: We are all born free, adult workers.
Stranger: of course
You: Many of my peers fight the revolution in the factories of Nike and Adidas. We may be young, but we are free to work.
You: Work makes you free, is it not so?
Stranger: are you serious?
You: It is our right to work.
Stranger: are you sure that you are not joking?
You: I am so grateful to our Revolutionary Council for securing our right to work at any age.
You: This is why I humbly submit to the rigorous training they give me.
You: 18 hours a day I practice my English on Omegle.
Stranger: .............
You: How old are you, comrade?
Stranger: i m 20
You: Ah, so you have been a laborer for at least 10 years. You must understand the glory of sweat.
Stranger: i think you are from europe and trying to tarnish the reputation of Vietnam
You: Comrade, don't fall victim to false consciousness. Remember the teachings of Marx and Lukacs.
You: And Lenin.
Stranger: that is not what i thouht of Vietnam
You: Perhaps your government is jealous and spreads lies about our workers' paradise.
You: Clearly our education system is superior to yours, but to be fair we won our war against the capitalists while yours is losing today.
Stranger: .............
You: I don't mean to offend, comrade. I practice dialectical criticism to seek the truth.
Stranger: how about the other children at your age?
Stranger: do they do the same work like you?
You: Yes, they work hard in factories to glorify our workers' utopia.
You: I was chosen at an early age for my aptitudes at language and deceit, but oh how I wish I could use my muscles and sweat to make our community great!
You: This is why I am humble.
Stranger: do they learn english ?
Stranger: what do you want to be when you are grown up?
Stranger: class conflict is not the principal contradiction,i think
You: I consider myself already to be grown up because I am free of the false consciousness of childhood.
You: But when my training is finished I hope to be a spy and steal nuclear secrets from the capitalist dogs.
Stranger: well done.
Stranger: good luck,dude
Stranger: i gotta go.
You: Good luck, comrade.
Stranger: there is still one question
You: Do I like mudkipz?
Stranger: why do you get the access to the internet?
Stranger: how
You: For my training.
Stranger: your access to the internet
You: Yes?
You: We have internet in our barracks workroom.
Stranger: i see
Stranger: bye
You: Good night, comrade.
Stranger: Good night

Steely Dan

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: hey!

Stranger: I was a Korean

You: you were?

Stranger: I was Korean. You do not like Korea?

You: i like korea

Stranger: oh, thanks.

Stranger: from?

You: austin tx.

You: you like steely dan?

You: cause i sure do

Stranger: steely dan?

You: the rock group

Stranger: for the first time I saw

Stranger: oh! group~

You: yeah, donald fagen, walter becker

You: even chevy chase was a member at one point

You: they fucking rule

Stranger: haha ;;

You: tell me about it

You: they got the name from a william s. burroughs novel

You: it was the name of a fucking dildo!!

You: can you believe that shit?

Stranger: i can't understand , sorry

You: thats cool. you should really do yourself a favor and get some of their music though

You: what kind of music do you like?

Stranger: just dance

You: i like to dance

Stranger: um you are female?

You: i aqm

You: am

You: r u male?

Stranger: no. i'm girl

You: neat, lets talk about peroids and lipstick and stuff.

You: does your boyfriend hit you? mine does.

Stranger: no

Stranger: i haven't bf

Stranger: you have bf?

You: i do. he's in jail right now

Stranger: ;; why?

You: he assaulted some police officersw while he was high on pcp

Stranger: oh

Stranger: too bad

You: yeah, my parents don't like him because he's black

You: and he hits me

You: how old r u?

Stranger: Why did he assault you?

Stranger: i'm 18

You: he hits me because he says i don't really listen to him

You: and when hes drunk

You: im 18 too, btw.

You: lol

Stranger: :D

Stranger: you have MSN?

You: i don't think so, this isn't my computer, i'm at the library

Stranger: oh

Stranger: well

Stranger: what time is it there?

You: 8 o'clock

Stranger: am?

Stranger: pm?

You: pm

Stranger: oh

You: what time is it there?

Stranger: am 11:43

Stranger: It is soon time for lunch :D

You: what month is it there?

Stranger: May

You: oh wow! here too! lol

Stranger: : )

Stranger: How's the weather there?

You: HOT!

Stranger: here too !

You: the library is the best place to beat the heat

Stranger: oh~

You: also, my parents have a water hose in the front yard

You: so do you think i should stay with my boyfriend when he gets out of jail?

Stranger: um...

Stranger: I think you should not belong to him 
검색

You: he can be nice sometimes

Stranger: but sometimes!

Stranger: The violence is not right, no matter

You: but maybe hes right, maybe i don't listen

Stranger: um....

Stranger: Do you love him?

You: i guess so, i mean we've done it

Stranger: If you can not help that you love him

You: you're so right

Stranger: okej

Stranger: If you do you want to do the right thing

You: he wants me to sneak things into jail for him

Stranger: Can you believe it?

You: no, i fucking can't!

Stranger: Do not listen to him never

You: but we have 2 kids together

Stranger: what?!

Stranger: Did you have kids?

You: yes, 2

You: one is three, the other is 1 and a half

Stranger: It's a difficult situation

You: you got that right

You: they cry constantly

Stranger: Tough, eh?

You: sometimes i just wish i could sell them to somebody, ya know?

Stranger: come on...

You: i bring them to the library so i don't have to watch them

You: they just run around

Stranger: Your parents say?

You: i told you my parents are jerks

Stranger: oh.....

You: are your parents cool?

Stranger: no. South Korea is a very conservative

Stranger: But not because of my parents, I saw my boyfriend take it

You: i thought you didn't have bf?

Stranger: yes. right

Stranger: South Korea hope to free the foreign like

You: you can come to america, you can babysit for me!

Stranger: hahaha I'd like to

You: or i can send them to you

Stranger: Children were sent to me?

You: sure. they'dove that!

You: love

Stranger: hahaha

Stranger: When I go to the U.S. I want to meet you :D

You: hells yeah! whats your name btw?

You: mines unice

Stranger: my name is kim dong hee

Stranger: call donghee

You: kewl!

Stranger: and u?

You: unice

You: you-nis

Stranger: oh, thanks. haha

Stranger: unice~

You: when are you coming to the u.s.?

Stranger: um.. I do not know when I'll be in the U.S.

You: the librarian here is a real bitch

You: she's yelling at me about my kids

Stranger: ;;

Stranger: who is she?

You: she runs the library with an iron fist

Stranger: oh. shs's bad

Stranger: She bad

Stranger: I'll understand if you just you

You: please do

You: she said my son was flushing newspaper down the toilet

Stranger: um.. come on

Stranger: oh, sorry, I gotta go now

You: but i love you!

Stranger: Nice to be able to talk to you

Stranger: me too, love you!

You: yeah!

Stranger: :D

Stranger: so.. bye bye

You: thanks for helping me decide to stay with my boyfriend

Stranger: No problem : )

Stranger: See ya~~~~

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You was played by Elliott.