A Hole Is A Hole Is A Hole

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hello

Stranger: yo

Stranger: yo~~

You: what's up?

Stranger: i want do a plastic surgery

You: on what?

Stranger: on my nose

You: what's wrong with it?

Stranger: i think it is too low

You: are you a man or a woman?

Stranger: i am a cute gay

You: man?

Stranger: gay

You: gay man?

Stranger: yeah```of coursae

You: ok

Stranger: and u?

You: I'm a Vietnam Vet.

Stranger: ok

You: saw a guy get his nose blown off by shrapnel

Stranger: i am a japanese hairstyler

Stranger: nice to meet u'

You: you should love your nose for the way it is.

You: at least it's not blown off by shrapnel.

Stranger: ammmm............

You: plus plastic surgery is expensive.

Stranger: no

Stranger: it is ok

You: you could make a trip somewhere instead.

Stranger: hoho

Stranger: i have been to usa last month

You: you know, plastic surgery was invented after WWI to fix soldier's faces that were blown off.

Stranger: ok....you vietnanese will never know the imprtance of face

You: exactly.

You: where in america did you go?

Stranger: seanto

Stranger: newyork

You: nice

Stranger: how old are u,dude

You: 67

Stranger: 67?

Stranger: 67 years old?

You: I'm not gay, but while I was on the ship in 'nam, things happened if you know what I mean

Stranger: but you are sooo old

Stranger: i think no man will have interested in u

You: When you're stranded at sea on a sailing vessel, with lots of men, the rules change.

Stranger: ok,,,i see

You: I am old, that's true.

Stranger: have u ever fuck man

Stranger: ???

You: plus I'm missing my leg.

Stranger: omg,,,i am sorry

Stranger: you are a soilder?

Stranger: lose your leg in war right?

You: Let me just say that I was in the Navy, and when you're in a submarine for six months, the rules change. A hole is a hole is a hole.

Stranger: do u enjoy it?

You: Only the mighty Poseidon determines the way the door swings when you're at the bottom of the ocean for six months at a time.

You: yes I lost my leg in the war

Stranger: i admire u

You: in a sexy way or in a war hero way?

You: I'm overweight. I have the diabetes

Stranger: both side

You: have you ever given a haircut to a man who had his nose blown off by shrapnel?

You: I'd assume it would be a little distracting.

You: Where in Japan do you live?

Stranger: osaka

You: Do you like the movie "Barber Shop", with Ice Cube?

You: That movie had haircutters in it.

Stranger: do u know,,,japanese man"s nise is high in commom,,but mine is low

Stranger: oh i heard of it

You: nose?

You: your low nose makes you special.

Stranger: am,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

You: when I was in the Navy, if your nose was too high, like up in the middle of your forehead, then they'd kick you out.

You: so you should be happy with your nose.

Stranger: opps

Stranger: terrible

Stranger: i have to have meal ,,,,bye

Stranger: nice to meet u

You: wait friend, I've got more to talk to you about

You: you can eat later

Stranger: am........

Stranger: say,then

You: ok good.

You: You know, life is a strange thing. If I die from the diabetes, I'd be willing to give my nose to you, for a transplant.

Stranger: haha

You: That nose has been through a lot, has seen a lot, smelled a lot, but I think you'd like it.

You: I'm being serious.

Stranger: i know......

Stranger: are u ok,,man?

You: This has been a real special conversation for me.

You: I think I'd like to get a tattoo of your name on my chest.

You: would that be ok with you?

Stranger: i am sad...

You: don't be sad, I have a bumper sticker that says "Life's a bitch, and then you die", those are words that I live by.

Stranger: my english is poor sorry

You: no problem, I love your bad english.

You: It's better than my Chinese

Stranger: thank

Stranger: i will never forget u,,,u give me a nice lesson

You: What's your name, I'll get it tattooed on my chest to commerate our time together.

Stranger: ok

Stranger: tashiko

You: Ok Tashiko, I'm going to get it tattooed right over my heart, so that I never forget this conversation.

Stranger: sorry,,but i have to go,,,my friends call me

You: I'll never forget you either Tashiko, and remember my wise words of wisdom

Stranger: you are my best teacher

Stranger: ^_^

You: you are my best student.

Stranger: bye>>>

You: I love you.

You: bye

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You was played by David.

JUNGLE OF THE FEVER

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

You: fuck it's saturday

You: you know what I'm saying?

You: I'm ready to party

Stranger: i hear ya

Stranger: me too but i cant find one

You: I did a pushup contest today

You: came in third

Stranger: sexxyyy

You: $45 entry fee

Stranger: damnnnn

You: taxes included

You: I'm really good at push-ups though, seriously,

Stranger: thats good

You: do you want me to do some right now?

You: hold on, putting the computer down

You: here I go

Stranger: do you have a webcam

You: yes

Stranger: cool so do i

You: how old are you?

Stranger: 17

You: cool

Stranger: and my friend is 18

You: I'm 47, just had a messy divorce.

Stranger: im sorry my parents just divorced

You: it's rough, I feel for you

You: but life goes on, you know?

Stranger: yupp its gotta

You: and hopefully it's for the better

Stranger: yeah

You: is everything amicable?

You: I'm pretty good at karate.

Stranger: thats good im not that

Stranger: im not that good i mean

You: I gotcha.

You: are you going to go to college?

Stranger: yupp

You: cool, good for you.

You: I was in the viet nam war

Stranger: cool

You: I've seen horrible things in my day. Horrible things. Don't get me started.

Stranger: my uncle was in desert storm

You: does he know karate?

Stranger: yea

You: did your uncle see horrible things?

Stranger: yea but he doesnt talk about it

You: me neither really.

Stranger: yea i can understand

You: but I once had to blow up an orphanage

Stranger: aww

You: it was a horrible time in my life.

You: in Saigon.

You: just doing what Uncle Sam told me to, you know?

You: blew up the whole god-damned orphanage.

You: 36 kids.

You: blown to pieces.

You: it was so horrible

Stranger: sounds like it

You: still haunts me to this day.

You: ...seems like the only way a man can feel at peace these days is by chattin' it up with a cyber-stranger, you know?

Stranger: mhm

You: little kid body parts raining down on me and the boys. So fucked up.

You: Uncle Sam gives you a lot of things when you go into combat, but he sure as hell don't give you goddamned kid-proof umbrellas, you know what I'm saying??

Stranger: yea

You: don't get into the military, serious.

You: what are you going to study in college?

Stranger: i want to be author

Stranger: so engilsh lit.

You: don't study American History, unless you want to know about all the awful things me and my boys had to go through

You: shit, I couldn't even talk to my wife about it, guess that might've had something to do with the divorce

You: but somehow, for some reason, god knows why, I feel comfortable talking with you.

Stranger: thanks its always good to talk to somebody

You: maybe you could write my life story and become a famous author.

Stranger: maybe

You: I can use more flourishing words to dress it up if it would sound better on the printed page that way.

Stranger: yeah

You: but the orphan kid parts, man. There was no way to tell which parts went with which. That's messy, but what do you expect with 500 lbs of C4.

You: we shoveled 'em into the feed troughs 30 clicks away in a pig pen.

You: a big pig pen.

You: Those hogs took to 'em like white on rice.

You: gobbled up ever single last one of those kid parts.

You: Are you writing this down?

Stranger: yea

You: cool,

You: I think I have some good names for the book.

You: "FEVER of the JUNGLE"

You: what do you think?

Stranger: thats a really good name

You: cool, so we have my blown up orphan story, that's a good one and should take up a lot of pages.

Stranger: true

You: I have a pretty horrible one about a rice paddy gangbang.

Stranger: ok

You: one where me and the boys, we put a brick of C4 in the rectum of a water buffalo.

You: you want to talk about crazy?

You: That shit is crazy.

Stranger: sounds like it

You: I have one about eating a snake...while it was still alive.

Stranger: ok

You: thanks for listening

You: this is too heavy for me right now

Stranger: its ok

You: god bless you

You: semper fi

Stranger: god bless

You: thank you

Stranger: no problem

You: it's been great

Stranger: yes it has

You: it really really has

You: it means a lot to me, you listening. you've purged some of my demons tonight.

Stranger: its no problem really

You: i'm going to drink to my fallen brothers. and to those poor orphans.

Stranger: ok

You: thanks

You: i've never opened up like this to ANYONE before

Connection asploded.

You was played by David