ALL CAPS

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: HI

You: HI

Stranger: how are you

You: pretty good

Stranger: from?

You: USA

Stranger: nice to meet you

You: YOU?

Stranger: China

You: WOW

You: ARE YOU STUDYING ENGLISH?

Stranger: YES

You: I WISH I KNEW CHINESE

Stranger: OK

You: I HAVE A MENTAL DIFFICIENCY

You: AND I LIKE TALKING TO PEOPLE ON INTERNET TO MAKE TALK

Stranger: Thanks

You: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR LIVING WAGES

Stranger: 3500-5000

Stranger: HR

You: I MEAN WHAT FOR DOING?

You: SORRY

You: DID I MAKE THIS UNCOMFORTABLE

You: I LIKE CONFUCIOUS

Stranger: I like Jordan

Stranger: I'm a player

You: IS THAT LIKE CHINESE CHECKERS?

You: NOT SURE

You: WHAT IS THAT

Stranger: CONFUCIOUS?

You: OOPS DID I MISSPELL?

Stranger: CONFUCIOUS is a ideologist

You: CONFUCIUS

You: ARE U NOT IDEOLOGY?

Stranger: Sorry, I don't quite catch you.

You: IT IS OKAY

You: I AM AFRAID OF AVIAN BIRD FLU AND FORTUNE COOKIES

You: I AM SORRY IF I DON'T MAKE SENSE

You: I HAVE A LONG STANDING HEAD INJURY FROM A FARMING ACCIDENT

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You was played by Nick.

Wiseguy

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: This thing sucks.

You: i can't find my pants

Stranger: i still have them

You: i woke up all oiled up and i smell funny

Stranger: i know, i was there.

You: you could have left me something to eat. it's dark in here.

Stranger: yeah, my bad. I had to tend to the other cages.

Stranger: you're new, you'll be ok for a while.

You: can i get some pudding at least?

Stranger: ...

Stranger: no.

You: it's okay. i'm too fat anyway.

Stranger: no kidding. i had to use the oil to get you through the door.

You: you say all the right things

Stranger: are you hitting on me?

You: is that a problem? i'm a very lonely grandma.

Stranger: no, you're exactly like i want you. that's why i hijacked that adult daycare van full of you guys.

You: i miss my cats.

Stranger: i'm allergic to cats, so I had them slain. I hope you don't mind.

You: that's terrible. they filled a void in my sweet heart of hearts. i'd like you to bring them back. NOW.

Stranger: Yeah, well, I think about that as soon as I start taking orders from fat oily grandmas in cages.

You: I'll make you some cookies.

Stranger: I'll make you into cookies.

Stranger: I'm a nasty freak.

You: you say all the right things

You: you smell nice

You: like pickles

Stranger: DOH!!!

Stranger: It's about that time.

Stranger: I have to go beat up some homeless people

You: will you send a message to my grandson?

Stranger: go for it.

You: tell him to send me some vapo rub. you can rub it on my chest. i feel a bit of a cold in here.

Stranger: Tell him to vaporize you and burn the rest, because it's cold, I hear? Got it.

You: you say all the right things, smell nice, and make me poop in my diaper with sweet abaondon

Stranger: AH! Homeless guy!!!

Stranger: gotta run!!

You: go sodomize him, HAVE FUN

(You was played by Nick.)

Dimples

Omegle conversation log

 

2009-05-17

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Hello friend

Stranger: hi

You: How are you?

Stranger: fine thank you

You: I don't know what I'm to do with myself.

You: where you from?

Stranger: china u?

You: I'm in a prison in Alaska.

Stranger: oh mygod

You: Yeah, it's pretty rough.

You: Did some bad things in my day, friend.

Stranger: oh

You: What part of China in which do you reside?

Stranger: south city

You: of Bejing?

Stranger: how oid are you

Stranger: no

Stranger: in guangdong

You: Ah yes, ok.

Stranger: do you know

You: Yes,

You: how old are you?

Stranger: 23

Stranger: u?

You: 56

You: I'm in Alaska

Stranger: hehe

You: Are you a woman or a man?

Stranger: woman

Stranger: u

You: I'm a man.

You: are you out of school?

Stranger: yes

You: what's your degree?

Stranger: University

Stranger: but my english is very poor

Stranger: so~~~~~

You: I think your English is fantastic

Stranger: thank you very much

You: What kind of work do you do?

Stranger: i haven't a jod:(

You: I'm sorry

Stranger: What's your name

You: Dimples

You: What's yours?

Stranger: wing

Stranger: what are you doing?

Stranger: are you here?

You: I'm here,

You: just hanging out

Stranger: oh

You: staring at the snow flutter over the bars in my prison cell window.

You: What kind of job would you like to have?

Stranger: oh is very nice

Stranger: but i can't see snow

Stranger: i don't know

You: still trying to decide what you'd like to do?

You: Do you want to stay in South City?

You: Or move to Bejing?

You: or to another country?

Stranger: because guangdong in south

You: Do you want to stay in Guangdong? Or live in another city?

You: do you like Guangdong?

Stranger: yes i like

You: is it better than Bejing?

You: If you don't mind me asking, would you be interested in helping me escape from prison?

Stranger: maybe

Stranger: you come to beijing?

Stranger: no

You: I've been digging a hole using a grapefruit spoon for the past seven years. I'm almost all the way through.

You: but I need a person to help me escape from the outside.

You: I'd love to come to Beijing

Stranger: but I need a person to help me escape from the outside

Stranger: ?

You: I'm looking for someone to help me escape from prison.

You: I'm getting ready to break out. I've been digging a hole for the past seven years, like I said, with a grapefruit spoon.

Stranger: but i can't help u

You: Why not?

You: I can't stay here any longer, it's making me totally bonkers I tell ya.

You: I'm ready to break out, and I could really use your help

Stranger: I'm say sorry

You: I need someone on the outside to pick me up in Juneau, as soon as I break free.

Stranger: no

You: Seven years is a long time.

Stranger: it's Crazy p

Stranger: i know Seven years is a long time. 

Stranger: but~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You: I've stollen a jar of lard and bacon fat from the kitchen, to grease me up so I'll slip through the hole I've dug nice and easy.

You: when I come out on the other side, digging up through the ground, it would be really amazing if you could pick me up, help me get back on my feet again.

Stranger: Crazy

Stranger: bye

You: I'm like a caged bird

You: I need your help

You: please

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You was played by David

JUNGLE OF THE FEVER

Connecting to server...

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

You: fuck it's saturday

You: you know what I'm saying?

You: I'm ready to party

Stranger: i hear ya

Stranger: me too but i cant find one

You: I did a pushup contest today

You: came in third

Stranger: sexxyyy

You: $45 entry fee

Stranger: damnnnn

You: taxes included

You: I'm really good at push-ups though, seriously,

Stranger: thats good

You: do you want me to do some right now?

You: hold on, putting the computer down

You: here I go

Stranger: do you have a webcam

You: yes

Stranger: cool so do i

You: how old are you?

Stranger: 17

You: cool

Stranger: and my friend is 18

You: I'm 47, just had a messy divorce.

Stranger: im sorry my parents just divorced

You: it's rough, I feel for you

You: but life goes on, you know?

Stranger: yupp its gotta

You: and hopefully it's for the better

Stranger: yeah

You: is everything amicable?

You: I'm pretty good at karate.

Stranger: thats good im not that

Stranger: im not that good i mean

You: I gotcha.

You: are you going to go to college?

Stranger: yupp

You: cool, good for you.

You: I was in the viet nam war

Stranger: cool

You: I've seen horrible things in my day. Horrible things. Don't get me started.

Stranger: my uncle was in desert storm

You: does he know karate?

Stranger: yea

You: did your uncle see horrible things?

Stranger: yea but he doesnt talk about it

You: me neither really.

Stranger: yea i can understand

You: but I once had to blow up an orphanage

Stranger: aww

You: it was a horrible time in my life.

You: in Saigon.

You: just doing what Uncle Sam told me to, you know?

You: blew up the whole god-damned orphanage.

You: 36 kids.

You: blown to pieces.

You: it was so horrible

Stranger: sounds like it

You: still haunts me to this day.

You: ...seems like the only way a man can feel at peace these days is by chattin' it up with a cyber-stranger, you know?

Stranger: mhm

You: little kid body parts raining down on me and the boys. So fucked up.

You: Uncle Sam gives you a lot of things when you go into combat, but he sure as hell don't give you goddamned kid-proof umbrellas, you know what I'm saying??

Stranger: yea

You: don't get into the military, serious.

You: what are you going to study in college?

Stranger: i want to be author

Stranger: so engilsh lit.

You: don't study American History, unless you want to know about all the awful things me and my boys had to go through

You: shit, I couldn't even talk to my wife about it, guess that might've had something to do with the divorce

You: but somehow, for some reason, god knows why, I feel comfortable talking with you.

Stranger: thanks its always good to talk to somebody

You: maybe you could write my life story and become a famous author.

Stranger: maybe

You: I can use more flourishing words to dress it up if it would sound better on the printed page that way.

Stranger: yeah

You: but the orphan kid parts, man. There was no way to tell which parts went with which. That's messy, but what do you expect with 500 lbs of C4.

You: we shoveled 'em into the feed troughs 30 clicks away in a pig pen.

You: a big pig pen.

You: Those hogs took to 'em like white on rice.

You: gobbled up ever single last one of those kid parts.

You: Are you writing this down?

Stranger: yea

You: cool,

You: I think I have some good names for the book.

You: "FEVER of the JUNGLE"

You: what do you think?

Stranger: thats a really good name

You: cool, so we have my blown up orphan story, that's a good one and should take up a lot of pages.

Stranger: true

You: I have a pretty horrible one about a rice paddy gangbang.

Stranger: ok

You: one where me and the boys, we put a brick of C4 in the rectum of a water buffalo.

You: you want to talk about crazy?

You: That shit is crazy.

Stranger: sounds like it

You: I have one about eating a snake...while it was still alive.

Stranger: ok

You: thanks for listening

You: this is too heavy for me right now

Stranger: its ok

You: god bless you

You: semper fi

Stranger: god bless

You: thank you

Stranger: no problem

You: it's been great

Stranger: yes it has

You: it really really has

You: it means a lot to me, you listening. you've purged some of my demons tonight.

Stranger: its no problem really

You: i'm going to drink to my fallen brothers. and to those poor orphans.

Stranger: ok

You: thanks

You: i've never opened up like this to ANYONE before

Connection asploded.

You was played by David

Racism?

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요

You: hi!

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

Stranger: 이에요?

You: mexicans are lazy!

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

You: ding dong ching chiong

Stranger: mexicanas?

Stranger: wat r u tellin Meh

You: that mexicans don't like to work

You: get it?

Stranger: 한쿡살함이에요?

Stranger: go n fuck ure dog then

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You was played by Elliott

Nougat

You: is that you?

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: its me

Stranger: da same guy u were lookin for

You: oh good

You: i was worried you werent going to pay me

Stranger: ?

Stranger: r u female

You: for the stuff we did

You: you left a big mess

Stranger: really

You: of course, don't you remember

Stranger: it was not intented

You: you lose control really easy, i know

You: it's not that big of deal, i just wish you would buy me a burger sometime

Stranger: wid a gorgeous gal lik u

You: thats me

Stranger: who can hold it

You: big tits

Stranger: show me

Stranger: :P

You: round hips

You: let me squeeze them

Stranger: show me

You: shhh. let me undo my blouse

You: they just popped out

You: wait, youre squeezing too hard

You: ouch that hurts

You: you just made me lactate

Stranger: ok

Stranger: then fill ur glass

Stranger: n hv it

Stranger: in ur bfast

Stranger: :P

You: it's surprisingly good

You: here, you have some

You: taste like nougat

Stranger: nopes

(You was played by Nick)

Mystery Novel

Omegle conversation log

 

2009-05-15

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: well, hello there!

Stranger: hhi

Stranger: yeh

You: asl?

You: how is your english?

Stranger: better

You: how is your spanish?

Stranger: 22 female

You: well that is just wonderful

You: I'm an 82 yr old grandma

Stranger: i wish i am your dauether

You: me too. we could have some apple pie together.

Stranger: THAT WILL BE NICE

You: Do you like mystery novels?

Stranger: YES

You: I adore Mike Hammer

You: I wish he would hammer me

Stranger: lol

You: do you have any soreness in your extremities?

You: I broke my hip last summer

You: so i am confined to a chair to type on the internet

Stranger: oh sorry but i do not have one

Stranger: do you chat on yahoo?

You: What is yahoo?

You: you smell nice

You: i mean, i think you do, if i could smell you over the internet

You: it's so lonely here in cyberspace

Stranger: you are straange

Stranger: so can i get you e mail adderess

You: I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY DAUETHER

Stranger: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

You: IS THAT YOU CECILIA?

Stranger: i said i wish

You: oh

Stranger: yes

You: why do you want my email address

Stranger: i thought i am your daugther

You: well then you can have it

You: do you like cats?

You: I have a lot of cats

You: they seem to fill a void deep within my heart of hearts

Stranger: can you gice me the aderess

You: numberonegrandma@aol.com

You: do you like pudding?

You: i could make you some delicious tapioca pudding

You: and, if you were sick, i would rub vicks vapo rub all over your chest.

Stranger: please you are scaring me

You: what?

You: i think you need some delicious pudding

You: I'm going to get the vapo rub

You: why must you hide from love, sweet stranger?

Stranger: i have to go home now

You: I like the smell of your hair.

You: reminds me of my siamese cat, delia

You: or my daughter

You: she's nicer than you

You: she lets me rub vapo rub on her chest, in a non-sexual way

Stranger: gooooooooood byyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeee

You: i love you

Stranger: i will email you

You: i mean it

You: you better

Stranger: i love you tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

You: awwwww

You: go have some pudding

You have disconnected.

You was played by Nick.