Thursday, May 28, 2009


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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey!
Stranger: heilo!
Stranger: on earth?
You: lol
You: yes
You: you?
Stranger: kewl
Stranger: yup
Stranger: spinning madly
You: is it memorial day where you are?
Stranger: I guess so
Stranger: we're in this together
You: i don't know what that is, somebody on here was telling me about it earlier
You: im malta
You: in
Stranger: oh
Stranger: it's war dead remembrance day
Stranger: nationa holliday in US
Stranger: national*
You: thats what she said
Stranger: people spend the day outdoors
Stranger: eating barbeque
You: she said everyone shoots at each other
Stranger: lol
You: and gets abortions
Stranger: not in my neighborhood
Stranger: haha
You: i serious
You: am
Stranger: lol
Stranger: well I guess that's one way of seeing it
You: it didn't make much sense
You: i thought they were lying
Stranger: they were, in theory
Stranger: but there are military veterans parades
Stranger: I guess they carry fake rifles
You: hat doesn't sound fun
You: that
Stranger: it's not
Stranger: that's why most ppl just go out and eat and drink
You: she said you eat pigs and people get drunk and give blowjobs to people on boats
Stranger: unless your relative or friend died in a war
Stranger: that would be awsome
You: my father died in a war
Stranger: which war?
You: but that was long ago
You: vietnam
Stranger: oh
Stranger: you're vietnamese then?
You: no from malta
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: ok
You: you?
Stranger: new york city
Stranger: US
You: ive been there!
Stranger: cool
Stranger: when?
You: crowded
You: 5 years ago
Stranger: It can be
Stranger: depends where
You: i was there for new year eve
You: it was CRAZY!
Stranger: ok that explains it
Stranger: in times square?
You: yes!
You: and we went to canada
You: the next day
Stranger: I never went there for new years eve
Stranger: oh
You: you don't like canada?
Stranger: do you speak french in malta?
You: i don't
Stranger: in general I mean
Stranger: the maltese
You: people speak diffrent things
You: i speak portugese
Stranger: ok
You: and english
You: of course!
Stranger: very good english!
Stranger: learned in school?
You: my sister
You: she lived in canada since she was 5
Stranger: ok
Stranger: I speak spanish and english
Stranger: I was born in argentina
Stranger: but I lived here most of my life
You: kewl!
Stranger: lol
Stranger: do you have a proffession
Stranger: ?
You: i make pottery
Stranger: nice
You: its ok
Stranger: I'm an architect
Stranger: yu like to work with your hands
Stranger: you*
You: i do
Stranger: me too
You: and i am my own boss
Stranger: me too
You: so you build things?
Stranger: now I work with computers a lot
Stranger: I design them
Stranger: and manage the constuction
Stranger: I specialize in public places
Stranger: parks, theaters museums...
You: wow!
Stranger: I'm terrified of deigning private places
You: i like parks and theatres, we don't really have any museums
Stranger: designing*
Stranger: malta is very small
Stranger: what is the name of the largest city in malts
Stranger: malta?
You: it's not that small
You: valletta
Stranger: isn't it an island in the mediterranean sea?
You: i got raped there though
Stranger: napoleon was born there right?
You: didnt go back
You: no
Stranger: shit!
You: corsica
Stranger: sorry
You: its ok
You: was a long time ago
Stranger: my european geography is a little rusty
Stranger: lol
Stranger: I'm very sorry that happened to you
You: not many people know much about malta
You: or how terrible it can be
Stranger: true
You: the weathers ok
You: kind of hot
Stranger: nice
Stranger: is it part of Italy?
You: no
Stranger: or independent?
You: independant
Stranger: oh
You: we have a mayor in town
You: hes ok
Stranger: nice guy?
Stranger: you know him?
You: well, he did rape me once
You: j/k
Stranger: not sure I can laugh at that
Stranger: but I admire your ability to joke about it
You: sorry
Stranger: no problem
You: see ya queerguts
You have disconnected.
You was played by Elliott

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A Hole Is A Hole Is A Hole

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hello
Stranger: yo
Stranger: yo~~
You: what's up?
Stranger: i want do a plastic surgery
You: on what?
Stranger: on my nose
You: what's wrong with it?
Stranger: i think it is too low
You: are you a man or a woman?
Stranger: i am a cute gay
You: man?
Stranger: gay
You: gay man?
Stranger: yeah```of coursae
You: ok
Stranger: and u?
You: I'm a Vietnam Vet.
Stranger: ok
You: saw a guy get his nose blown off by shrapnel
Stranger: i am a japanese hairstyler
Stranger: nice to meet u'
You: you should love your nose for the way it is.
You: at least it's not blown off by shrapnel.
Stranger: ammmm............
You: plus plastic surgery is expensive.
Stranger: no
Stranger: it is ok
You: you could make a trip somewhere instead.
Stranger: hoho
Stranger: i have been to usa last month
You: you know, plastic surgery was invented after WWI to fix soldier's faces that were blown off.
Stranger: vietnanese will never know the imprtance of face
You: exactly.
You: where in america did you go?
Stranger: seanto
Stranger: newyork
You: nice
Stranger: how old are u,dude
You: 67
Stranger: 67?
Stranger: 67 years old?
You: I'm not gay, but while I was on the ship in 'nam, things happened if you know what I mean
Stranger: but you are sooo old
Stranger: i think no man will have interested in u
You: When you're stranded at sea on a sailing vessel, with lots of men, the rules change.
Stranger: ok,,,i see
You: I am old, that's true.
Stranger: have u ever fuck man
Stranger: ???
You: plus I'm missing my leg.
Stranger: omg,,,i am sorry
Stranger: you are a soilder?
Stranger: lose your leg in war right?
You: Let me just say that I was in the Navy, and when you're in a submarine for six months, the rules change. A hole is a hole is a hole.
Stranger: do u enjoy it?
You: Only the mighty Poseidon determines the way the door swings when you're at the bottom of the ocean for six months at a time.
You: yes I lost my leg in the war
Stranger: i admire u
You: in a sexy way or in a war hero way?
You: I'm overweight. I have the diabetes
Stranger: both side
You: have you ever given a haircut to a man who had his nose blown off by shrapnel?
You: I'd assume it would be a little distracting.
You: Where in Japan do you live?
Stranger: osaka
You: Do you like the movie "Barber Shop", with Ice Cube?
You: That movie had haircutters in it.
Stranger: do u know,,,japanese man"s nise is high in commom,,but mine is low
Stranger: oh i heard of it
You: nose?
You: your low nose makes you special.
Stranger: am,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
You: when I was in the Navy, if your nose was too high, like up in the middle of your forehead, then they'd kick you out.
You: so you should be happy with your nose.
Stranger: opps
Stranger: terrible
Stranger: i have to have meal ,,,,bye
Stranger: nice to meet u
You: wait friend, I've got more to talk to you about
You: you can eat later
Stranger: am........
Stranger: say,then
You: ok good.
You: You know, life is a strange thing. If I die from the diabetes, I'd be willing to give my nose to you, for a transplant.
Stranger: haha
You: That nose has been through a lot, has seen a lot, smelled a lot, but I think you'd like it.
You: I'm being serious.
Stranger: i know......
Stranger: are u ok,,man?
You: This has been a real special conversation for me.
You: I think I'd like to get a tattoo of your name on my chest.
You: would that be ok with you?
Stranger: i am sad...
You: don't be sad, I have a bumper sticker that says "Life's a bitch, and then you die", those are words that I live by.
Stranger: my english is poor sorry
You: no problem, I love your bad english.
You: It's better than my Chinese
Stranger: thank
Stranger: i will never forget u,,,u give me a nice lesson
You: What's your name, I'll get it tattooed on my chest to commerate our time together.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: tashiko
You: Ok Tashiko, I'm going to get it tattooed right over my heart, so that I never forget this conversation.
Stranger: sorry,,but i have to go,,,my friends call me
You: I'll never forget you either Tashiko, and remember my wise words of wisdom
Stranger: you are my best teacher
Stranger: ^_^
You: you are my best student.
Stranger: bye>>>
You: I love you.
You: bye
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You was played by David.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Movies about robots

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hey
You: a/s/l?
Stranger: 20 m netherlands
You: Oh cool. I am 23 and in the States.
You: How is the weather in the netherlands?
Stranger: it sucks!
Stranger: there's a thndersorm right now hehe
Stranger: thunderstorm*
You: ugh, I'm sorry. It's hot here, and sunny. We were on the beach all day.
Stranger: california?
You: Yes, Malibu.
Stranger: ah man you got it good
You: It's ok. I wish I lived in the Netherlands sometimes though.
Stranger: I'm not complaining thoug hthe weather has been great for a long time
Stranger: oh why the netherlands?
You: Well, Santa Claus lives there.
Stranger: uhm...
You: And every morning he drives his reindeer out onto the tundra
Stranger: you're not supposed to know about that
You: and gives tiny creamcakes to all the netherlandian boys and girls.
You: In malibu we are forced into tanning booths all day at taserpoint.
Stranger: it's dutch btw
You: and if we disobey we are forced to do pilates until we vomit frozen yogurt.
Stranger: everyone or just the girsl?
Stranger: girls*
You: well, the boys that disobey are surgically altered and become something not totally unlike girls.
Stranger: i bet that's confusing
You: I hope they can't hear me telling you about the secrets of malibu.
You: the malibu overlords monitor all our communications.
Stranger: does the governator have anything to do with all this?
You: If they find out I told an outlander about our beautification camps they'll make me clean up pomeranian poop with my mouth for a week
You: and subject me to botox enemas
You: yes! swarzenegger is responsible!
You: I am afraid for my soul.
You: I just want to go somewhere cold
You: just once
You: and watch dour movies about rape.
You: that have sad endings
You: which win awards.
You: and have no robots in them.
You: please help me
Stranger: I will see to it that you and your people get freed from the schwarzenegger
You: thank you
You: you are our only hope
You: They come for me!!!!
Stranger: the dutch have always have been
Stranger: close the window!
You: god no...

Peanut Butter Solution

Omegle conversation log 2009-05-25

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: hey

Stranger: how are you?

You: 21

Stranger: nineteen

You: oh, cool

You: where are you?

Stranger: canada, you?

You: Omaha

You: You know, like wild kingdom?

You: Except we have no lions here.

You: What we do have is ants.

You: If you stay still too long they will get in your cooter.

Stranger: termites too!

Stranger: cooter?

You: That's omaha slang for 'vagina'.

Stranger: wtf is a cooter?

You: We have a lot of good slang words in Omaha.

You: Do you have slang in Canada?

You: that's when you makeumup some words.

Stranger: yes, we do

Stranger: i love it

You: We don't school up too good here so we makeumup.

You: Hey I saw a movie from canadia

You: have you seen it?

You: it's about a boy whose hair falls out.

You: and ghosts put peanut butter on his head

You: and his hair grows really fast.

Stranger: yes!

Stranger: i hace

Stranger: it got oscar snubbed

You: Yeah. we watch that a lot in Omaha.

You: People tell you a lot of stuff about life in Omaha that isn't true.

You: like that we have lions and marmosets.

Stranger: but no

You: but really we watch that peanut butter movie a lot.

Stranger: you only have cooter ants

You: yeah.

You: That's a problem.

Stranger: spray raid on your vaj

Stranger: should keep down the itch

You: I thought that peanut butter might help

You: but it made it worse.

Stranger: i'm allergic to peanut butter

You: now I have to go to the doctor twice a month.

Stranger: please stop talking about it or i will disconnect

Stranger: it is a mortal allergy

You: oh no

You: I just ate a pbnj

Stranger: NO!

You: I don't want to get it on you over the internets

Stranger: now we can't tongue kiss

You: like that girl who got kissed and died.

You: I'm sorry

You: I feel like I kind of love you.

You: I don't want you to die

Stranger: it's okay

You: I have to sacrifice our love to save your life.

Stranger: we can kiss through saran wrap

You: goodbye.

You have disconnected.

Work Makes Free

You: Hi! Happy Memorial Day!
You: Today we remember our brave young men who died face down in the muck at Kaisan and Mai Lai.
Stranger: whats memorial day
You: It's the day we celebrate our soldiers who died defending the proletariat against the invading capitalist butchers.
Stranger: awesome
Stranger: isee Happy Memorial Day!
You: Thanks!
You: Where are you from?
Stranger: where are you from
You: Vietnam.
Stranger: china
You: Very good. A dictatorship of the proletariat.
You: Mao was a great man.
You: As we say in our country, "Didi mao!"
Stranger: yes.
Stranger: what does that mean
You: It means "Long live Mao!"
You: It is a battle cry.
You: Today we also cheer our communist brothers and sisters in North Korea as they thumb their noses at the capitalist world establishment.
You: Brother Kim Jong Il has detonated a functioning nuclear weapon.
You: The capitalist Jews are quaking in their million dollar shoes.
Stranger: you are....
Stranger: how old are you?
You: 14.
Stranger: are you really from Vietnam?
You: How old are you, comrade?
You: Yes.
You: In Ho Chi Minh City.
Stranger: but you speak terrific english
You: It is part of my special training.
Stranger: and you are just 14?
You: I will be sent to infiltrate the capitalist higher education system.
Stranger: wow
Stranger: wow
Stranger: you are a bit of a boaster
You: No, it is all true. I say it with absolute humility.
You: It is a service to the working people of the world.
Stranger: how do you manage to do that
Stranger: i mean you are just 14,and you speak good english
You: It is my special training.
Stranger: i doubt that
You: My handlers have been training me since I was 4 to speak perfect English, though it doesn't take much to fool the idiot Americans.
You: I come to to practice for my infiltration.
Stranger: ...........
You: You seem to have doubts about the proletarian revolution. Perhaps you are a capitalist stooge?
Stranger: it feels like you are fooling me
Stranger: :(
You: Comrade, you must decolonize your mind.
Stranger: where are you now?
You: Still in Vietnam awaiting my deployment.
Stranger: you are just 14
Stranger: you are joking
You: No, comrade. I am deadly serious.
Stranger: where the hell are you from?
You: Adolescence is an invention of the capitalist Jews.
You: We are all born free, adult workers.
Stranger: of course
You: Many of my peers fight the revolution in the factories of Nike and Adidas. We may be young, but we are free to work.
You: Work makes you free, is it not so?
Stranger: are you serious?
You: It is our right to work.
Stranger: are you sure that you are not joking?
You: I am so grateful to our Revolutionary Council for securing our right to work at any age.
You: This is why I humbly submit to the rigorous training they give me.
You: 18 hours a day I practice my English on Omegle.
Stranger: .............
You: How old are you, comrade?
Stranger: i m 20
You: Ah, so you have been a laborer for at least 10 years. You must understand the glory of sweat.
Stranger: i think you are from europe and trying to tarnish the reputation of Vietnam
You: Comrade, don't fall victim to false consciousness. Remember the teachings of Marx and Lukacs.
You: And Lenin.
Stranger: that is not what i thouht of Vietnam
You: Perhaps your government is jealous and spreads lies about our workers' paradise.
You: Clearly our education system is superior to yours, but to be fair we won our war against the capitalists while yours is losing today.
Stranger: .............
You: I don't mean to offend, comrade. I practice dialectical criticism to seek the truth.
Stranger: how about the other children at your age?
Stranger: do they do the same work like you?
You: Yes, they work hard in factories to glorify our workers' utopia.
You: I was chosen at an early age for my aptitudes at language and deceit, but oh how I wish I could use my muscles and sweat to make our community great!
You: This is why I am humble.
Stranger: do they learn english ?
Stranger: what do you want to be when you are grown up?
Stranger: class conflict is not the principal contradiction,i think
You: I consider myself already to be grown up because I am free of the false consciousness of childhood.
You: But when my training is finished I hope to be a spy and steal nuclear secrets from the capitalist dogs.
Stranger: well done.
Stranger: good luck,dude
Stranger: i gotta go.
You: Good luck, comrade.
Stranger: there is still one question
You: Do I like mudkipz?
Stranger: why do you get the access to the internet?
Stranger: how
You: For my training.
Stranger: your access to the internet
You: Yes?
You: We have internet in our barracks workroom.
Stranger: i see
Stranger: bye
You: Good night, comrade.
Stranger: Good night

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Steely Dan

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hey!
Stranger: I was a Korean
You: you were?
Stranger: I was Korean. You do not like Korea?
You: i like korea
Stranger: oh, thanks.
Stranger: from?
You: austin tx.
You: you like steely dan?
You: cause i sure do
Stranger: steely dan?
You: the rock group
Stranger: for the first time I saw
Stranger: oh! group~
You: yeah, donald fagen, walter becker
You: even chevy chase was a member at one point
You: they fucking rule
Stranger: haha ;;
You: tell me about it
You: they got the name from a william s. burroughs novel
You: it was the name of a fucking dildo!!
You: can you believe that shit?
Stranger: i can't understand , sorry
You: thats cool. you should really do yourself a favor and get some of their music though
You: what kind of music do you like?
Stranger: just dance
You: i like to dance
Stranger: um you are female?
You: i aqm
You: am
You: r u male?
Stranger: no. i'm girl
You: neat, lets talk about peroids and lipstick and stuff.
You: does your boyfriend hit you? mine does.
Stranger: no
Stranger: i haven't bf
Stranger: you have bf?
You: i do. he's in jail right now
Stranger: ;; why?
You: he assaulted some police officersw while he was high on pcp
Stranger: oh
Stranger: too bad
You: yeah, my parents don't like him because he's black
You: and he hits me
You: how old r u?
Stranger: Why did he assault you?
Stranger: i'm 18
You: he hits me because he says i don't really listen to him
You: and when hes drunk
You: im 18 too, btw.
You: lol
Stranger: :D
Stranger: you have MSN?
You: i don't think so, this isn't my computer, i'm at the library
Stranger: oh
Stranger: well
Stranger: what time is it there?
You: 8 o'clock
Stranger: am?
Stranger: pm?
You: pm
Stranger: oh
You: what time is it there?
Stranger: am 11:43
Stranger: It is soon time for lunch :D
You: what month is it there?
Stranger: May
You: oh wow! here too! lol
Stranger: : )
Stranger: How's the weather there?
You: HOT!
Stranger: here too !
You: the library is the best place to beat the heat
Stranger: oh~
You: also, my parents have a water hose in the front yard
You: so do you think i should stay with my boyfriend when he gets out of jail?
Stranger: um...
Stranger: I think you should not belong to him 
You: he can be nice sometimes
Stranger: but sometimes!
Stranger: The violence is not right, no matter
You: but maybe hes right, maybe i don't listen
Stranger: um....
Stranger: Do you love him?
You: i guess so, i mean we've done it
Stranger: If you can not help that you love him
You: you're so right
Stranger: okej
Stranger: If you do you want to do the right thing
You: he wants me to sneak things into jail for him
Stranger: Can you believe it?
You: no, i fucking can't!
Stranger: Do not listen to him never
You: but we have 2 kids together
Stranger: what?!
Stranger: Did you have kids?
You: yes, 2
You: one is three, the other is 1 and a half
Stranger: It's a difficult situation
You: you got that right
You: they cry constantly
Stranger: Tough, eh?
You: sometimes i just wish i could sell them to somebody, ya know?
Stranger: come on...
You: i bring them to the library so i don't have to watch them
You: they just run around
Stranger: Your parents say?
You: i told you my parents are jerks
Stranger: oh.....
You: are your parents cool?
Stranger: no. South Korea is a very conservative
Stranger: But not because of my parents, I saw my boyfriend take it
You: i thought you didn't have bf?
Stranger: yes. right
Stranger: South Korea hope to free the foreign like
You: you can come to america, you can babysit for me!
Stranger: hahaha I'd like to
You: or i can send them to you
Stranger: Children were sent to me?
You: sure. they'dove that!
You: love
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: When I go to the U.S. I want to meet you :D
You: hells yeah! whats your name btw?
You: mines unice
Stranger: my name is kim dong hee
Stranger: call donghee
You: kewl!
Stranger: and u?
You: unice
You: you-nis
Stranger: oh, thanks. haha
Stranger: unice~
You: when are you coming to the u.s.?
Stranger: um.. I do not know when I'll be in the U.S.
You: the librarian here is a real bitch
You: she's yelling at me about my kids
Stranger: ;;
Stranger: who is she?
You: she runs the library with an iron fist
Stranger: oh. shs's bad
Stranger: She bad
Stranger: I'll understand if you just you
You: please do
You: she said my son was flushing newspaper down the toilet
Stranger: um.. come on
Stranger: oh, sorry, I gotta go now
You: but i love you!
Stranger: Nice to be able to talk to you
Stranger: me too, love you!
You: yeah!
Stranger: :D
Stranger: so.. bye bye
You: thanks for helping me decide to stay with my boyfriend
Stranger: No problem : )
Stranger: See ya~~~~
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You was played by Elliott.