Monday, May 25, 2009

Work Makes Free

You: Hi! Happy Memorial Day!
You: Today we remember our brave young men who died face down in the muck at Kaisan and Mai Lai.
Stranger: whats memorial day
You: It's the day we celebrate our soldiers who died defending the proletariat against the invading capitalist butchers.
Stranger: awesome
Stranger: isee Happy Memorial Day!
You: Thanks!
You: Where are you from?
Stranger: where are you from
You: Vietnam.
Stranger: china
You: Very good. A dictatorship of the proletariat.
You: Mao was a great man.
You: As we say in our country, "Didi mao!"
Stranger: yes.
Stranger: what does that mean
You: It means "Long live Mao!"
You: It is a battle cry.
You: Today we also cheer our communist brothers and sisters in North Korea as they thumb their noses at the capitalist world establishment.
You: Brother Kim Jong Il has detonated a functioning nuclear weapon.
You: The capitalist Jews are quaking in their million dollar shoes.
Stranger: you are....
Stranger: how old are you?
You: 14.
Stranger: are you really from Vietnam?
You: How old are you, comrade?
You: Yes.
You: In Ho Chi Minh City.
Stranger: but you speak terrific english
You: It is part of my special training.
Stranger: and you are just 14?
You: I will be sent to infiltrate the capitalist higher education system.
Stranger: wow
Stranger: wow
Stranger: you are a bit of a boaster
You: No, it is all true. I say it with absolute humility.
You: It is a service to the working people of the world.
Stranger: how do you manage to do that
Stranger: i mean you are just 14,and you speak good english
You: It is my special training.
Stranger: i doubt that
You: My handlers have been training me since I was 4 to speak perfect English, though it doesn't take much to fool the idiot Americans.
You: I come to to practice for my infiltration.
Stranger: ...........
You: You seem to have doubts about the proletarian revolution. Perhaps you are a capitalist stooge?
Stranger: it feels like you are fooling me
Stranger: :(
You: Comrade, you must decolonize your mind.
Stranger: where are you now?
You: Still in Vietnam awaiting my deployment.
Stranger: you are just 14
Stranger: you are joking
You: No, comrade. I am deadly serious.
Stranger: where the hell are you from?
You: Adolescence is an invention of the capitalist Jews.
You: We are all born free, adult workers.
Stranger: of course
You: Many of my peers fight the revolution in the factories of Nike and Adidas. We may be young, but we are free to work.
You: Work makes you free, is it not so?
Stranger: are you serious?
You: It is our right to work.
Stranger: are you sure that you are not joking?
You: I am so grateful to our Revolutionary Council for securing our right to work at any age.
You: This is why I humbly submit to the rigorous training they give me.
You: 18 hours a day I practice my English on Omegle.
Stranger: .............
You: How old are you, comrade?
Stranger: i m 20
You: Ah, so you have been a laborer for at least 10 years. You must understand the glory of sweat.
Stranger: i think you are from europe and trying to tarnish the reputation of Vietnam
You: Comrade, don't fall victim to false consciousness. Remember the teachings of Marx and Lukacs.
You: And Lenin.
Stranger: that is not what i thouht of Vietnam
You: Perhaps your government is jealous and spreads lies about our workers' paradise.
You: Clearly our education system is superior to yours, but to be fair we won our war against the capitalists while yours is losing today.
Stranger: .............
You: I don't mean to offend, comrade. I practice dialectical criticism to seek the truth.
Stranger: how about the other children at your age?
Stranger: do they do the same work like you?
You: Yes, they work hard in factories to glorify our workers' utopia.
You: I was chosen at an early age for my aptitudes at language and deceit, but oh how I wish I could use my muscles and sweat to make our community great!
You: This is why I am humble.
Stranger: do they learn english ?
Stranger: what do you want to be when you are grown up?
Stranger: class conflict is not the principal contradiction,i think
You: I consider myself already to be grown up because I am free of the false consciousness of childhood.
You: But when my training is finished I hope to be a spy and steal nuclear secrets from the capitalist dogs.
Stranger: well done.
Stranger: good luck,dude
Stranger: i gotta go.
You: Good luck, comrade.
Stranger: there is still one question
You: Do I like mudkipz?
Stranger: why do you get the access to the internet?
Stranger: how
You: For my training.
Stranger: your access to the internet
You: Yes?
You: We have internet in our barracks workroom.
Stranger: i see
Stranger: bye
You: Good night, comrade.
Stranger: Good night

No comments:

Post a Comment